Wow a Miracle has happened...time tells the truth!

Last Saturday was one of the most emotive days of my life ......I must admit I was loosing my Faith Lord.... I always had hope but I was under the despair that my family would never reconcile... I kept my mouth shut for a long time listening to one side and then the other...they might thought I would take part in one side or the other... those 2.5 years had been an agony for me... maybe not so much but a sadness in my heart would never leave thinking about what we were and what we are now....

When one of my sisters jumped to hug one of my brothers and then the other sister, I was in a total shock... I honestly could not believe what my eyes were witnessing and what my heart felt....my eyes were full of tears and I was so thankful to you Oh Lord. This was certainly a miracle from you.....There is no doubt that you are always working in such a misterious ways that it is amazing to see the results.....my mind would have never been able to picture the entire scene and day I and my family had last Saturday. A true blessing to see one by one crying and singing to my uncle who is one of the two last ones alive from my mother´s side.

Coincidentally, this time only two cousins went to this annual event and the rest of nieces and nephews were young and were playing outside....

I pictured the saddest and wierdest annual event ever..where was my faith? and I keep thinking I am close to you o Lord.... what is it with me? and look at the surprise you had for me and for all of us. I can not thank you enough about it and I continue crying of happiness for this event.....what we had been missing for a long time and all due to ambition.... worthless ambition...

This cold and cough are going away slowly but I truly think that it is all the emotions inside of me that were not being able to come out.

Thank you for this moments and for this peace I feel now. Don´t let anyone to take it away from me. And yet, I know there are more surprises coming my way, blessings.... I just need to have more Faith and keep being patient, calm and read the signals you send me Oh Lord.

Good night, Love, your daughter Marilu

Another Course that I might take...

Well, I have always enjoyed psicology and counselling sessions... so now I have the opportunity to study a coaching course.... we´ll see.

On the other hand, I have not idea about where my life is going regarding my job... I love my students but at the same time, I am not satisfied being a teacher...this constant insatisfaction drives me crazy but I know that I must discern it and analyze aspect per aspect.

What is it that when I get into answering if I want to continue... I say yes... even though I know I am very tired from teaching at night.... ? is it that I can´t say no? why? or why don´t I set up my own business?

What is it with me having all the resources and not being able to just jump?


Good night my Lord, your daughter Marilu.

Feliz! Agradecida! Viviendo con Esperanza!

Hoy fué un día increíble..... en fin desde ayer que celebré mi cumpleaños adelantado, en el rancho con 70 personas entre adultos y Niños.....conocí a alguien que estaba muy guapo pero no hubo química entre los dos. Sin embargo yo bailé con mis amigos y amigas y canté karaoke toda la noche.-

Regresé a casa muerta, cansadísisma de bailar y me puse mi pijama. En eso me habla mi amigo Robin Hood (viudo con 3 hijos) y me sonsaca para salir con el a la 1 am ...el queria bailar... yo quería platicar. Así que nos fuimos a tomar un café y platicamos como 3 horas. Me dejó en mi casa y no lo invité a pasar, no por grosera sino para no dar la impresión incorrecta.

Hoy me levanté tempranísimo con mucha energía fui a pagar el gym e hice step. Despues me metí al vapor, fuí a misa y saliendo de misa me habló Tere mi hermana invitandome a la palapa a la fiesta de Gaby y a cantar. Fuí y a las 8 pm me marca Robin Hood y me dice que el va a donde yo esté y me reí y le dí la dirección pensando que no iría.... pues fué con sus tres hijos y conocí al mayor... ooopppppss no me acuerdo de su nombre.

Me hizo el día..... no me lo esperaba, aunque no habia dejado de pensar en él. Incluso cuando estaba pensando en el fue cuando mi radio sonó y yo me quedé impresionada!

Se veía muy guapo con un sweter largo y no sé hoy me llamó más la atención....me invitó a su casa a comer con sus hijos pero le dije que no porque me da pena. Todos se despidieron de mi de beso y el chiquito de 5 años que es una hermosura no quería por pena o chiviado y su papá le dijo andale hijo.... y finalmente le obedeció a su papi, lo cual me fascinó....tanto el como papá y su autoridad como el precioso escuincle.

A dónde irá esta amistad? no se Dios mío pero la voy a disfrutar y quítame este miedo que tengo de encontrar a otra pareja y de que pueda tener hijos a los cuales yo tendré que educar, amar, cuidar, ayudar, etc.

Buenas noches Dios mío y mil gracias por estos días tan increíbles llenos de emociones. Te pido que salves a mi sobrina nieta la beba y salga de la incubadora!
Tu hija Marilú!

Discerning....

I am absolutely mad about myself today.....I woke up and broke the coffee maker, it slipped out or hit a chair and then slipped out of my hand right to the floor.. then, I have not idea what I did with my parking receipt that I ended up paying tripple the price.

I guess I did too much today.....mark exams, think about my party tomorrow.... chairs, tables.... table clothes, people to confirm....and then, suddenly while I am in that process I call my sister to invite her to see the play The broken Christ... and she tells me that she became a grandmother yesterday but the baby is in a delicate state... so oh my goodness, I took a shower and ran there to the hospital....spent a few hours there... then had supper together and I truly enjoyed it... after that she went with me to buy dispossable plates and glasses for the party....then I went to the other side of the city to my play....I ran into an old sister´s friend...and then I RAN OUT from the play to do a supply teaching....


Now I am winding down.... Oh and my friend Robin Hood called me and bla bla bla bla bla....invited me to a wedding, then a coffee and chatted for about 15 minutes,...... he said he would call later and he never did...Do I care? not really.... I said to him that I am so immune or that I don´t beleive in people´s promisses until they demonstrate that they comply with them.....anyway... after all this day was nice.. I am still alive, looking forward to my birthday party tomorrow.... and life goes on and on and on!!!

Oh what I want to discern or to share is the following steps:

Lost a ticket today , I felt angry to myself for being so disorganized, distracted, and multitasking without concentrating. I felt frustrated and went to my car to calm down, and dumped my purse into the seat to see if I could find the ticket... I didn´t and time continued running.
I talked to the parking lot supervisor and he said I had to pay 49 pesos... instead of 10 pesos. So I tried to convince him and he didn´t give in... he said otherwise he would have to pay for it... bla bla bla... I got frustrated of not getting my way and took a bill of 50 pesos and paid it... and said you guys are disgusting and this is theft.!
I felt like crying....first of all because today and this week I have spent an enormous ammount in stupid and many things. On the other hand I wanted to scream, yell, and I controlled myself.... I couldn´t cry either.....

Operative ways: next time I will put it in my wallet or leave it at the parking lot with the guy...who can I trust anyway....?

Calification: Desolation.... Not to make decisions.....I needed to get out of there and I had looked everywhere.

Direction: Yes, no, or will continue as disorganized and unfocussed?

Origin: Historic: Distractions..... Fact: Doing to many things at once all the time...

Anyway this is a short discerning exercise from San Ignacio de Loyola Method.

Good Night Lord.... I loved the Broken Christ.. Cristo Roto... lástima que no ví el final.

Faith, Prayer and Results

Last week was extremely hard and emotional for me and even more for a friend of mine who lost her husband. It was shocking. A young fellow of 47 years old and no one would suspect he had "Influenza" and this caused also some other liver complications.

At the same time someone showed up in my life ..... and endless story.

This two emotions made me realize that even though I think my Faith is strong... it might not be so. I always try to think everything will go my way... but the reality is that it always goes on God´s ways. No matter how I look it up.

My sister said: maybe you don´t have enough Faith... I realized I don´t ..... I keep being and feeling insecure about the future and that fact by itself.. I think is lack of Faith and it has made me to react and to act in ways that I don´t think God would aprove or even my parents from heaven.

I felt so moved by the death of this guy, who I hardly knew.... but his wife is one of my best friends.... to see that sorrow, Oh my Goodness..... only you know why.....it made rethink the manner and way I am conducting my life... so light,... as if there was many tomorrows... when we only have today!!

Autoestima

Qué se dice de la autoestima? nosotros la formamos o alguien nos infunde confianza en nosotros mismos o nos destruye?

Y si ha sido destruída, qué nos queda hacer?

Some pictures