Sunday, August 31, 2008

What do you want from me God?

I have 3 close friends with cancer right now..... God what are you asking from me? one lives in Canada and the other two are here in Leon, Gto... I have dealt a lot with people that suffered cancer, my sister and my mother to start with and so on.

I try to keep them happy and make them feel useful and show my support.... however, it is quite hard task to do.

One friend who has cancer as well, had a heart attack.... I felt awful since there is a long story behind this one.. and the conclusion is that I went to see him today and realized all the people that love him,... he was feeling lonely and alone a week ago when he discovered his cancer in his lungs due to smoke...well... today the hospital was packed and the line up huge to see him.... when I entered into the room there is this ladie that I hadn´t seen and wasn´t from the family.....his lips had lipstick and I kind of thought to myself... oh this one must be the exwife... so I waited a bit until they said good bye to each other and she kissed him again on the lips... I only stood up there watching and I gave him a kiss on his forehead as a frienship sign to remark this to him. We hardly talked because then his cell phone rang... even though he is in intensive care... right after another girl came in.... must be the exgirlfriend... I had to laugh and then I gave him a rock with the word HOPE and I convinced him about not leaving the hospital and changed his mind. I said it is wise to change his mind.. and he said... muñeca I will never win with you... and I said that´s right. So I found out he hasn´t told his family about his cancer and doesn´t want me to tell his family, so having said that... I will step away completley and let him go on that way. But God, what do you really want from me in this case? He knows that I have a boyfriend in California... and he also knows that there is no chance on earth with me and with what I saw today ..... even worse... it will make it easy though on me to keep him away from I guess this scene at the hospital was meant to be... just on time!
Keep him healthy God and I do Thank you for the happiness and lesson that I have learned from this man.... he is definetly something else and someone who does not take care of himself in the interior or in his soul... yet he does look very good on the outside and dressed up... bla bla bla selfish as other man I have met, but in the inside he is totally empty...oh he did say today that this heart attack is a wake up call and he will listen this time...I said yes... God is giving you another chance and you must take it seriously.

I don´t know why I go through this experiences with friends that have cancer... perhaps I do have to go through test myself since it´s been a long time since I did my last test for cancer.. and it runs in my family.....

My brother´s concrert was amazing and my sister and him ended up singing and I sang at the end with the piano player.... great contact since she suggested I should sing around the City and also to talk to her on the 11th her birthday.... Thanks for this too God.

Good night God and thank you for this day....

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